Chapter 61 – The Four Pests of the Immortal Sects
“Hey! Old Ghost Jun, isn’t that your Taiyi Sect’s precious Little Martial Ancestor?” The short, skinny Old Heavenly Craftsman, looking like a monkey in a ragged straw hat, held a thin, dark copper tube to his left eye. “And the one next to him is the one he spent the night out with? Why does it look to me like your Little Martial Ancestor is about to be abducted? Aren’t you going to do something?”
“What?”
Jun Changwei, who was squatting to the side polishing his saber, was startled. He scrambled over and snatched the copper tube.
Through the small hole of the dark copper tube, the distant scene on the Cloud Terrace was captured on the Heavenly Crystal Stone. Zuo Yuesheng and Lu Jing were crouched behind the cliff platform, engrossed in studying a pile of thin bamboo strips. Not far in front of them, a young man in deep black robes was leaning over, encircling Chou Bodeng.
From Jun Changwei’s angle, their profiles overlapped.
Creak!
The thin copper tube groaned under the strain.
The Old Heavenly Craftsman snatched his Heaven-Peeking Mirror back. “This thing costs five thousand taels! You can’t afford to replace it if you break it!”
“In broad daylight, they’re actually… actually…” Jun Changwei was furious.
“Oh, come on!” The Old Heavenly Craftsman gloated, patting his shoulder. “It’s just a young couple flirting. Why do you, an old dried-up orange peel, have to be such a wet blanket?”
“You talk too much, don’t you? If you’ve got so much to say, go drink.”
Jun Changwei’s face was blacker than the bottom of a pot.
Both men were dressed as fishermen, hiding among a cluster of reefs in the Azure Sea, keeping watch over a Candle South Sea Gate from a moderate distance. They had been guarding for most of the morning, to the point where they knew exactly how many birds had landed on and taken off from the Sea Gate pillars. The morning had been calm and uneventful, and the Old Heavenly Craftsman, whom Jun Changwei had called over for help, was bored out of his mind. He had been scanning the surroundings with his Heaven-Peeking Mirror when he chanced upon the group that had run up to the Cloud Terrace.
“What’s that young lad’s story?” the Old Heavenly Craftsman marveled. “You’re just hiding here, cursing him out, instead of rushing over to beat him up? Or can’t you win against him?”
Jun Changwei shot him a glare. “Don’t touch a sore subject.”
“He’s the one who dotted the Life Scale, isn’t he?” The Old Heavenly Craftsman tapped his pipe against the reef, his eyes narrowing slightly. “But to use Red Ru Cinnabar to dot a true Life Scale for an outsider… this is the first time I’ve ever seen it. Old Ghost Jun, your Taiyi Sect has hidden quite a few secrets over the years.”
“If you know they’re secrets, then don’t ask what you shouldn’t,” Jun Changwei said, his expression unchanging.
The Old Heavenly Craftsman shook his head and took a puff of his pipe. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk, I won’t ask. But are you really sure someone will come to probe the Sea Gate today?”
“Not sure.”
“Not sure? And you dragged me out here to bake in the sun for half the day?” The Old Heavenly Craftsman choked on his smoke.
“According to Zuo Liangshi’s intelligence, Ying Zhong left the Mountain Sea Pavilion this morning.” Jun Changwei cradled his Gold-Inlaid Saber, his eyes slightly narrowed as he gazed at the Nine Cities of Zhunan. “The position of the Candle South Sea Gate changes once every century, and he was involved in the most recent relocation. If the Wilderness Emissary ‘Mister Xi’ active in Zhunan is truly your Heavenly Works Mansion’s traitor, Xie Yuan, then given his achievements in formation arts, he would absolutely not pass up the chance to use the Sea Gate’s grand formation if he wanted to cause trouble in Zhunan.”
At the name “Xie Yuan,” the Old Heavenly Craftsman’s expression turned frigid, and the veins on the back of the hand holding the Heaven-Peeking Mirror bulged.
“Alright, alright, don’t look like you’re about to eat someone so early in the day,” Jun Changwei said, patting his shoulder. “That thing costs five thousand gold taels, you know. That’s no way to squander a fortune. But I don’t know if he’ll come either. I called you here to guard the Sea Gate just to try our luck, and to help me assess the Black Tortoise’s condition while we’re at it.”
“That old fellow Zuo Liangshi put you up to this?”
“Yeah.” Jun Changwei sighed. “This task is just one headache after another. Let me borrow the Heaven-Peeking Mirror. I need to keep an eye on that kid.”
***
Cloud Terrace.
When casting his line, Chou Bodeng had let out too much, and the fishing line had accidentally gotten tangled on his hand, even getting stuck in the fine scales of his Kui Dragon Bracelet. He tried to untangle it a couple of times but only made it tighter, forcing him to give up. Shi Wuluo stood behind him, leaning over to help untangle it. From behind and from a distance, it looked as if he were embracing him, but in reality, they were doing nothing of the sort.
“Should I just break it?”
Chou Bodeng held his hand half-raised to make it easier for Shi Wuluo to work on the line.
“No need.”
Shi Wuluo’s long fingers threaded through the thin line. The snow silkworm thread pressed into Chou Bodeng’s skin, which was as clear as snow. With a gentle tug, the line slid past the side of Chou Bodeng’s palm, and the small section caught in the Kui Dragon’s scales came loose. The rest of the line slackened, falling loosely onto Chou Bodeng’s wrist, and was easily brushed away.
“It’s untangled.”
Just as he was about to let go, his gaze paused slightly.
Several faint red lines remained on Chou Bodeng’s wrist, like crimson threads meandering across a snowy field.
The fingers that were about to withdraw instead covered those red marks, pressing down with a slight force and slowly tracing over them. A small section of the silkworm thread still hanging on Chou Bodeng’s wrist looped around both their hands.
“Benefactor Chou—”
A cheerful voice called out from a distance.
Lu Jing, who had been engrossed in studying the thin bamboo frame, lunged like a pouncing tiger and seized Monk Budu by the neck as he appeared out of nowhere.
Monk Budu’s cultivation was far superior to his, yet he had failed to dodge the attack!
“Benefactor… Benefactor Lu?”
Monk Budu struggled to pry his hands away, squeezing out the words in terror. He wondered if the three wealthy benefactors were having a change of heart and planning to go back on their promise of three hundred silver taels from last night. But Young Master Lu’s ferocious expression looked as if he held some mortal grudge against him! What… what was going on?
Lu Jing’s face was contorted with rage.
He was so close!
He was so close to peeking at Young Master Chou’s reaction to a certain someone’s actions!
He was so close to finding out how far Young Master Chou’s relationship with the number one fierce blade of the Twelve Continents had progressed!
He had risked his life pretending to be a rock over there for ages, and just when he was about to get a confirmation from the man himself, Monk Budu’s shout had ruined everything.
Lu Jing had the heart to strangle Monk Budu.
“Young Pavilion Master?”
Lou Jiang stood on the trestle path, completely ignoring Lu Jing and Monk Budu who were grappling with each other, and directed his gaze toward Zuo Yuesheng.
Zuo Yuesheng, having been called out, jolted. You could have come at any time, Lou, but you just had to pick now. You really have a knack for timing, damn it. He stole a glance to the side and saw that Chou Bodeng had already stood up, with that once-in-a-millennium madman standing calmly beside him.
Thank goodness, he hadn’t drawn his saber.
Zuo Yuesheng breathed a sigh of relief, set up the bamboo frame he had been holding for so long, and swiftly stood up. Just as he was about to reprimand Lou Jiang with a booming voice, he heard a wail.
“Aaaahhhhh, help meeeeee—”
Accompanied by a howl, a figure in grayish-blue robes came flailing down the vertical cliff face with a whoosh of wind.
Chou Bodeng, who was about to walk over, took a step back.
Thud—
The person in the grayish-blue Daoist robe landed face-first, splatting solidly onto the Cloud Terrace.
The sound of flesh hitting stone startled Lu Jing on the other side, causing his grip to loosen. Monk Budu seized the opportunity to save his neck and fled to the other side.
“This… this humble Daoist… told you… there would be a calamity of bloodshed…”
The person, now flattened into a pancake, tremblingly raised a hand, only for it to fall back down with a slap. A ragged straw hat floated down from the sky and landed perfectly, right on the back of his head.
“…”
Silence fell all around.
After a long moment, Chou Bodeng looked at Zuo Yuesheng. “Where did your Mountain Sea Pavilion pick up this beggar?”
“Hey, hey, hey, don’t go lumping every Tom, Dick, and Harry with our Mountain Sea Pavilion,” Zuo Yuesheng cried out in dissatisfaction. “Since when does the Mountain Sea Pavilion have a shabby Daoist priest? Lou Jiang, why did you bring over a guy who so obviously looks like he’s here to sponge off us?”
“Young Pavilion Master, he is…”
Lou Jiang suppressed the urge to turn and walk away, dutifully beginning to speak.
“Him,” Monk Budu said, rubbing his neck as he sauntered over. He unceremoniously kicked the “pancake” on the ground. “Nine out of ten of his divinations are wrong, and the tenth one smashes to pieces. He’s a real jinx.”
***
“Zhunan is going to be lively this time.”
Jun Changwei put down the Heaven-Peeking Mirror, his expression exceptionally odd.
“What?” The Old Heavenly Craftsman was busy assembling a bracer. Hearing his words, he looked up at him as if he were an idiot. “Your Taiyi Sect people are here. Don’t you have a clue how lively it’s going to get?”
“Do you remember Gui Guzi taking a final disciple?” Jun Changwei ignored his sarcasm. “He even passed down his Star-Pushing Plate to him.”
“Seems like there was something like that. Was his name…”
“Half-Diviner.”
“Right, that’s the name.” The Old Heavenly Craftsman neatly tightened a gear, then scratched his head in hesitation. “Strange, why does even that name sound familiar to me… as if I’ve heard someone mention something about it…”
At his words, Jun Changwei smiled.
“You’ve forgotten? The year before last, this kid left the valley and went around telling fortunes. No matter what he divined, he’d open his mouth with ‘A calamity of bloodshed, an omen of great misfortune.’ One time, he told the Valley Master of Wind Flower Valley that she would be disfigured within three days. It infuriated her so much that she tied him up and declared that Gui Guzi had to come get him in person…” Jun Changwei held up a hand. “In the year he was out of the valley, he spent a full five million taels paying others to let him divine for them… Heh, he nearly angered that old man Gui Guzi to death.”
“Five million? Serves him right! That money-grubbing Gui Guzi deserves to have such a spendthrift disciple.”
Hearing Jun Changwei’s account, the Old Heavenly Craftsman was instantly delighted. He snatched the Heaven-Peeking Mirror back, eager to see Gui Guzi’s “precious disciple” for himself.
He set up the Heaven-Peeking Mirror, but after looking for only a short while, his brow suddenly furrowed.
“Old Ghost Jun, wait, come take a look. The sea over there… something’s not right!”
***
The Azure Sea crashed against the dark reefs, rising and falling in a cyclical tide.
“To be able to fall like that, he’s really something else.” Zuo Yuesheng squatted to the side, looking at the human-shaped figure pressed flat against the stone surface. “By the way, does this mean the Four Pests are all here now?”
“What Four Pests?” Lu Jing asked, puzzled.
“Have you forgotten? Young Master Chou, me, this bald donkey Budu, and this Half-Diviner, together we’re known as the ‘Four Pests of the Immortal Sects’,” Zuo Yuesheng answered casually.
“I see.” Lu Jing first nodded, then was suddenly startled. “Wait a minute, Young Master Chou is at the top of the Profligate Rankings, bald donkey Budu is second, and I remember this poor Daoist is third. The three of them are fine, but shouldn’t I be fourth on the Profligate Rankings? Aren’t you fifth? How come the four of you are called the ‘Four Pests’? That makes no sense!”
“Heh!” Zuo Yuesheng slapped his shoulder triumphantly. “To be one of the ‘Four Pests of the Immortal Sects,’ just being a profligate isn’t enough. You have to bring disaster to a region and make people’s faces change color at the mere mention of your name. This Young Pavilion Master once schemed against a hundred thousand Zhunan merchants. Monk Budu single-handedly absconded with an entire city’s wealth. Half-Diviner’s one divination caused internal strife in Wind Flower Valley. And don’t even get me started on Young Master Chou. Back in the day, just because he said a name ‘sounded ugly,’ he changed the City Diviners of who knows how many cities in the East Continent. Lu Shiyi, you’re at best a profligate who’s fatally good at healing. How could you possibly be worthy of the glory of being one of the ‘Four Pests of the Immortal Sects’?”
“What?” Lu Jing slapped his thigh in indignation. “This Young Master once nearly caused a war between the Medicine Valley and the Clear Abyss Gate, you know? It was all my brother’s fault for arriving too soon.”
Lou Jiang, standing nearby, heard this and nearly tripped into the sea.
So you profligates have your own hierarchy and chain of contempt?
“This guy is the Half-Diviner who, with a single sentence, shattered the sisterly bond between the master and vice-master of Wind Flower Valley, making them turn on each other?” Chou Bodeng critically examined the young Daoist who was struggling to get up. “He looks way too poor. He’s dragging down the standard of the Profligate Rankings. Bald donkey, what did you bring him here for?”
“Didn’t you ask me last time how I managed to find the spot in advance?” Monk Budu pointed at Half-Diviner. “This is the guy who did the divination. He’s also the one who said, ‘You will face a calamity of bloodshed upon arriving in Ru City.’ So I brought him over.”
“This humble Daoist told you, I am a successor of Ghost Valley. My calculations are divine, and I never deceive people.”
Half-Diviner lifted his face, which was streaming with blood from his nose, and spoke in a stuffy voice.
“If you’re so accurate, how come you didn’t foresee that you’d fall off the trestle path?” Zuo Yuesheng teased.
“Alas,” Half-Diviner sighed, tearing off a piece of his sleeve to staunch the nosebleed. “This must be a tribulation for revealing too many heavenly secrets today.”
“The heavenly secret of getting lost a hundred times,” Monk Budu snorted.
“Alas, Zen Master Budu, it’s not right for you to say that.” After stopping his nosebleed, Half-Diviner looked around. “According to this humble Daoist’s art of physiognomy… eh.”
His gaze suddenly froze on Chou Bodeng’s face.
“Young Master, you will face a calamity of bloodshed in the coming days.”
Zuo Yuesheng thought to himself, I don’t know which day ‘in the coming days’ is, but I think you, you shabby Daoist, are about to have a calamity of bloodshed right now… Someone’s hand is already on their saber hilt!
The next moment, Zuo Yuesheng’s eyes widened abruptly.
A flash of a saber, and a line of blood in mid-air.
He… he really drew his saber?!