Chapter 99 – Should I Confess?
Xiao Fang was clearly startled by the sound of the door closing. He felt a thud in his heart as a bad premonition welled up inside him.
Also startled was Xiao Xu, who was holding Nuomici. Xiao Xu was very good at reading people’s expressions. He looked at Fei Xiangnan with fear and instinctively moved closer to Xiao Fang. Xiao Fang soothingly patted Xiao Xu’s head, a strong sense of responsibility filling his heart.
Fei Xiangnan watched this scene, suppressing his simmering dissatisfaction. He couldn’t say certain things in front of the child, especially this child.
He sighed, trying to release some of the discontent in his heart.
“Come to the study for a moment.” After saying this, Fei Xiangnan went in without another word.
Xiao Xu tugged at Xiao Fang’s sleeve uneasily. Xiao Fang hugged Xiao Xu and took a small cake out of the refrigerator.
“Be good, Xiao Xu. Big brother needs to go talk to the other big brother about something. You have some cake and play with Nuomici for a while,” Xiao Fang said in a gentle voice.
Xiao Xu was already uneasy in the unfamiliar environment, and now he was reluctant to let go of Xiao Fang. Although Xiao Fang was panicking himself, he prioritized Xiao Xu’s emotions. It took more than ten minutes of comforting before Xiao Xu relaxed a little and started playing with Nuomici.
Suddenly having a new big brother, Nuomici was having a great time, rolling around and being clingy in Xiao Xu’s arms. Xiao Xu couldn’t help but crack a small smile.
Xiao Fang watched this scene with relief before getting up and going to the study.
As he opened the door, he was choked by the smell of smoke inside. He knew that Fei Xiangnan started smoking whenever he was upset. Prepared for a negotiation, Xiao Fang walked in with a heavy heart. The first thing he did was to snatch the cigarette from Fei Xiangnan’s hand.
Normally, Fei Xiangnan would have handed it to him with a wry smile, but not this time. Fei Xiangnan didn’t continue smoking, but he reached past Xiao Fang and stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray himself. The severity of the situation was completely different.
“We’re not keeping this child.” This wasn’t a tone of discussion, but a firm, already-made decision.
For a rare moment, Xiao Fang stood his ground, holding his breath and retorting, “Impossible. We are keeping him.”
Fei Xiangnan, who had already known Xiao Fang would refuse, walked to the window and opened it. He looked at the unchanging scenery outside, an unknown fire burning in his heart.
“He is a special child. Do you have enough time to spend with him? Do you have the ability to open him up? Do you think the so-called warmth is something we can provide in our current state? Have you considered any of this? If it’s just based on sympathy, then right now, that child is the most pitiful one.” Fei Xiangnan’s words left no room for maneuver, each one targeting Xiao Fang, leaving him speechless.
Xiao Fang looked at Fei Xiangnan. This was a state they had never been in since they got together. The other party didn’t even have basic trust in him and had started questioning him. In his heart, he certainly wasn’t acting out of simple sympathy, but more out of empathy. He knew what it was like to be in an orphanage, what it was like to be displaced. But he couldn’t say any of this, because in Fei Xiangnan’s eyes, he was just the son of a nouveau riche, a rich second generation who had been pampered since childhood.
“Can’t you just trust me for once?” Xiao Fang held it in for a long time before saying this.
Thinking about Xiao Fang’s actions, his performance at the orphanage, and his unilateral decision to adopt, Fei Xiangnan laughed self-deprecatingly. “You didn’t even bother to discuss it with me, and now you want me to believe what? This child, we’re not keeping him. This is for his own good. I can find him a better orphanage, guarantee that no one will bully him, and provide the best care to help him overcome his autism. I can even provide him with sufficient financial support in the future, including for university and studying abroad. You want to adopt him based on simple sympathy? I’m sorry, that reason is not enough to convince me.”
Fei Xiangnan’s words were extremely rational and, to a certain extent, irrefutable for Xiao Fang. He certainly had a primary reason, but could he say it? Could he say it in this situation? Saying it would only mean an even more serious deception.
At that moment, Fei Xiangnan’s phone rang. Fei Xiangnan glanced at Xiao Fang but still answered the call. It was Assistant Chen, saying that a partner in a collaboration had an important proposal that required an emergency meeting. Fei Xiangnan, who was always responsible with his work, couldn’t possibly be absent. He thought that this would be a good time for both of them to cool down. Words spoken in the heat of the moment might take a longer time to mend.
“I have a meeting. I’ll contact a better orphanage tomorrow and send him there. You should think it over carefully first.” Fei Xiangnan paused for a while after speaking, but Xiao Fang didn’t say anything more, just stood there in silence.
He stared quietly at the floor. When he heard that Xiao Xu was going to be sent away, he looked up at him, his eyes filled with an irresolvable sadness and pain, and also forbearance. Yet, at this moment, not a single tear fell. He was just silent like that.
Fei Xiangnan’s heart ached seeing this. Only this person could make him feel so pained. He wished he could hold him and comfort him until he was happy again. But some things always required certain principles. Without principles, many things would become bottomless. As the rational one, he had to keep a clear head at all times.
Or perhaps, he had an even more pressing reason. Xiao Fang’s various behaviors didn’t seem like things Xiao Fang himself would do. It was time he needed an answer.
Picking up his clothes from the coat rack, Fei Xiangnan left without another word.
Bang! The door slammed shut twice, followed by a long silence.
Slowly, Xiao Fang raised his right hand and covered his eyes.
He couldn’t abandon Xiao Xu. He physiologically couldn’t do it. He didn’t want him to suffer this kind of pain again. People are impulsive creatures. Some impulses aren’t entirely right, nor are they entirely wrong. Xiao Fang hadn’t been impulsive many times in his life, and this was one of the few.
He also knew that he had done some things poorly, like bringing someone home without even discussing it. He should be well aware of Fei Xiangnan’s current situation as his other half. Now, without a word, he had added another person, which meant Fei Xiangnan had to protect one more person’s safety. But his heart was just unwilling. Unwilling to watch Xiao Xu live in that kind of environment. He had experienced this kind of pain in his childhood, and he didn’t want to let another person he could save go through the same thing. These two conflicting emotions made Xiao Fang feel as if his heart was being squeezed.
He ate dinner like a zombie, then forced himself to put Lang Lang to sleep. Next was telling Xiao Xu a bedtime story, still from Lang Lang’s reader. Xiao Xu had already read it, but it was clear that he was very happy. He obediently slept in the guest room, holding Xiao Fang’s hand before falling asleep. The feeling of desperately seeking security made Xiao Fang’s heart ache.
Xiao Xu said something before he fell asleep that kept Xiao Fang awake all night.
“Brother, if… Xiao Xu… makes things difficult for you, send Xiao Xu… to a place that won’t make things difficult for you. Today… Xiao Xu was already… very… happy.” Xiao Xu looked at Xiao Fang, his clean pupils reflecting Xiao Fang’s image, a thank you without a trace of impurity.
Xiao Fang forced back his discomfort and kissed Xiao Xu’s forehead, saying in a gentle voice, “It’s nothing like that. Having Xiao Xu here makes brother very happy too. Sleep well.”
After closing the guest room door, Fei Xiangnan still hadn’t come home. A frantic impulse to drink arose in Xiao Fang. Not at home, but out. To go completely crazy for once, to tell the truth, to stop deceiving him and himself. If Fei Xiangnan wanted to separate, it was what he deserved. Sometimes, you have to pay the price for a lie, just as he had originally planned. The only difference might be that he now loved this person, and separating might be accompanied by some unhealable pain.
Once this self-destructive thought appeared in Xiao Fang’s mind, it began to sprout and grow wildly, eventually trapping him.
There weren’t many people he could call. The first person Xiao Fang thought of was Xiao Ma. At this hour, he thought Xiao Ma would complain a bit before coming out, but unexpectedly, he agreed calmly.
His mind in a mess, he didn’t think too much about it and drove to a very private bar. Celebrities usually went there. It had private rooms, and the owner had a strong background, so no one dared to be so bold as to pry for information inside.
Xiao Ma arrived around the same time. The two of them, like brothers in distress, drank at the bar. With the alcohol going to their heads, neither of them could hold back the words they had been bottling up.
Xiao Fang put his arm around Xiao Ma’s shoulder and chugged from the bottle. Ma Rui was not to be outdone. After finishing his glass, he chugged the rest of the bottle.
“Me, I have to lay my cards on the table. He… he won’t let me raise my little brother, but my… but my heart… it hurts,” Xiao Fang’s expression was like that of a dejected middle-aged man whose family had fallen apart. He drank and wiped away tears at the same time.
Ma Rui was dizzy and didn’t really understand what Xiao Fang meant. He just laughed. After laughing, he said, “Isn’t President Fei super fond of you? Let alone raising a little brother, even if you asked for a crocodile, an elephant, or a shark, would he ever say no? A little brother is nothing.”
Xiao Fang didn’t agree after hearing this. “I’m not some… hic… useless person who has to be supported by others all the time. What do you… what do you take your brother for? I’ll… tonight… I’ll make it clear. I… can be independent!”
“I… can be independent, can be independent…” The more Xiao Fang spoke, the less motivation he had. In the end, he couldn’t help but cry.
“Damn it, he didn’t even discuss the last variety show with me. Why is he blaming me now, and not letting me… raise him,” Xiao Fang’s confidence surged again as he spoke, his words not passing through his brain at all.
Ma Rui only heard half of what he said. He patted Xiao Fang’s shoulder encouragingly. “Our Brother Xiao is a damn good actor. How… could he not be independent? You’re… you’re kidding. Brother Xiao, I’m… getting married this New Year. Remember to come to the wedding banquet.”
Xiao Fang was stunned for a moment. Getting married? To whom?
“You’re… going to… hic… marry Que Jiang?” Xiao Fang searched his blank mind for a long time and could only come up with that name.